Have you ever found yourself stuck in a conflict that seems impossible to resolve? What if there was a way to break these cycles of intense conflict? Amanda Ripley joins Today’s Conversation to explore why some conflicts spiral out of control — and how we can shift the outcome.

As our country grapples with such high levels of conflict, NAE President Walter Kim and Amanda Ripley, author of “High Conflict” and co-founder of Good Conflict, dive into how conflicts escalate, the psychology behind heated disagreements, and practical steps to transform high conflict into good conflict.

You’ll also hear them discuss:

  • The factors that fuel high conflict in relationships and society;
  • Actionable steps to take in high-conflict moments, such as on an airplane or polling station;
  • Biblical examples of navigating high-conflict situations; and
  • How to enter into productive conflict through vulnerability and humility.

Read a Portion of the Transcript

Walter: Okay, we have high conflict. We have these intractable things. We have these kinds of conflicts that are really damaging, but the solution isn’t to avoid all conflict. There has to be some measure of conflict in order to see transformation. So how does that shift happen from high conflict to actual good conflict? What are the features of good conflict as opposed to high conflict?

Amanda: Yeah, so good, healthy conflict can be uncomfortable, right? It can be unpleasant. You will try to avoid it, and we all do usually. There can be anger. Anger, it turns out, in all the research on emotion and conflict, anger is not actually a problem. Anger suggests that if you’re angry with me on some level, you want me to be different.

But if you hate me, you’ve given up on me, right? That’s a very different thing. That’s a sign of high conflict. So if you look at them side by side … High conflict is characterized by contempt, disgust, righteousness, superiority, and violence is likely. Good conflict is characterized by anger, sadness and fear. All those things are still present, but there’s also flashes of curiosity and flashes of understanding, and then back to anger. More questions get asked in good conflict, and people emerge from the other side somehow better off, maybe because they’re closer. If you think about a conflict in a marriage or in a close relationship, if it goes the way conflict can go, you actually emerge closer. You feel a closeness to that person. 

Or in other cases, it might be that while you continue to really deeply disagree with the other person, you understand them or the problem or yourself a little better. So you’re stronger for it because now you understand it. So those are some of the distinctions. And probably the biggest takeaway for me has been good conflict is just much more effective.

Share the Love

If you enjoyed the program, please rate it on iTunes and write a brief review. That will help us so much!

Relevant Resources

Today’s Conversation is brought to you by the Denison Forum.

 

Amanda Ripley

Amanda Ripley is an investigative journalist and a New York Times bestselling author. She is also the co-founder of Good Conflict, a media and training company that helps people reimagine conflict. Her books include “High Conflict: Why We Get Trapped and How We Get Out,” “The Unthinkable,” and “The Smartest Kids in the World.” She has spoken at the Pentagon, the Senate, the House of Representatives, the State Department and the Department of Homeland Security, as well as conferences on leadership, conflict resolution and education. Ripley spent 10 years working for Time Magazine in New York, Washington and Paris. She currently writes for The Atlantic, Politico, The Washington Post and other outlets. Ripley earned a B.A. in government from Cornell University.

Walter Kim

Walter Kim became the president of the National Association of Evangelicals in January 2020. He previously served as a pastor at Boston’s historic Park Street Church and at churches in Vancouver, Canada and Charlottesville, Virginia, as well as a campus chaplain at Yale University. He preaches, writes and engages in collaborative leadership to connect the Bible to the intellectual and cultural issues of the day. He regularly teaches in conferences and classrooms; addresses faith concerns with elected officials and public institutions; and provides theological and cultural commentary to leading news outlets. He serves on the boards of Christianity Today and World Relief and consults with a wide range of organizations. Kim received his Ph.D. from Harvard University in Near Eastern Languages and Civilizations, his M.Div. from Regent College in Vancouver, and his B.A. from Northwestern University.